Kim Kardashian Lost Her Mental & Physical Balance Due to Kanye’s Erratic Online Attacks: “F—ing Hard” 

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s messy and controversial divorce was all over the place. The ex couple’s verbal feud and Ye’s constant erratic online attacks apparently took a toll on her. In the latest episode of The Kardashians , she was seen in tears while telling her sister Khloe Kardashian how she lost her mental and physical balance due to the drama.

Thursday’s episode of the Hulu show saw Kim distraught over her ex-husband’s unstable behavior amid their divorce. The SKIMS founder couldn’t hold back her tears as she opened up to sister Khloe about how his “imbalanced” attitude affected her, reported PEOPLE.

The 42-year-old fashion mogul said, “It sucks when someone doesn’t see how different they are. I always will [keep looking for that person.] You’ll always hope you’ll see a glimpse of them, and I hope I do.” As the Good American founder consoled Kim, she told her in a confessional the drama threw her in an imbalance.

She talked about how badly it affected her, both mentally and physically. She sobbed and said, “I literally haven’t changed my outfit in two days. I just have to get it together, and I just can’t.” Kim continued, “I feel so bad for him. I don’t [even] think he feels bad for himself because I don’t [even] think he knows how.”

She also shared with Khloe that she didn’t attempt to talk to West over his anti-sematic online attacks as she fears “he’ll probably go off on me.” The mother-of-four added, “Then I feel guilty that I posted something in support of the Jewish community, then people dropped him today.”

Kim continued, “Then I’m like, ‘Is that my fault that I posted that? Did that push them? Should I just have kept quiet?’ But I’m vocal about everything else and never know what to do.” In another confessional, she told Khloe how she felt “conflicted” over her feelings for West. She recalled, “It’s really confusing for me. It’s so different than the person that I married because that’s who I loved, and that’s who I remember… I’ll do anything to get that person back.” She emphasized how helpless she feels managing all these emotions and staying sane. “The whole situation is sad, and I don’t know how to manage it emotionally.”

The reality TV star also acknowledged the mess is even more difficult because it involves their four kids: 10-year-old North, 7-year-old Saint, 5-year-old Chicago, and 4-year-old Psalm. “I’m conflicted because I don’t ever want to jump in and be a part of a downfall for the father of my kids,” said Kim. Khloe listened to her sister carefully and said it’s “not her fault” how things unfolded for West, and his own behavior got him in the hot waters.

Khloe reassured, “He had so many opportunities to retract what he said, and he would double down all the time. What you did has nothing to do with what’s happening right now.” In a final confessional, Kim said, “It’s really f—ing hard.”

“I don’t wish that upon anybody. I’m never a ‘woe is me,’ sad kind of person, but there are times that I get overwhelmed. There’s so much to think about. I’m so angry, but I’m also so sad.”