Gay marriages are still either illegal or considered taboo in many parts of the world. This has led to the evolution of ‘lavender marriage’ where one or both partners in a marriage are LGBTQ+ but get married to put up a fake appearance of being heterosexual. In a bizarre case, a gay man has married his straight girlfriend but highlights that it isn’t a lavender marriage.
Jacob Hoff, 31, openly identifies as gay. In November 2024, he married his longtime girlfriend, Samantha Wynn Greenstone, who is six years older than him. Growing up gay and in a family with a history of unsuccessful marriages, Hoff never thought that he would ever get married—let alone to a woman. But destiny had other plans for him.
In 2023, the LA-based couple opened up to Business Insider about their unique relationship of friends turned lovers despite different sexual orientations. Both of them are musical theatre performers and that’s where they became best friends. However, they started dating in 2017 when Greenstone confessed her feelings for him. Surprisingly, the feelings were mutual despite Hoff being always attracted to men.
The duo had been in a monogamous relationship for eight years and decided to walk down the aisle last year. Hoff, who hasn’t been involved with another man since he started dating Greenstone, felt marriage was the “natural next step.”
Hoff told Business Insider, “We’re truly soulmates and monogamous. I’m 100% fulfilled by our marriage. So to say we’re in a ‘lavender marriage,’ I think, takes away what this really is, which is just people who love each other for who they are and not what they are. A lavender marriage feels like a marriage of convenience versus a marriage of just true pure love like ours.”
Talking about their sexual life, Hoff told that he finds Greenstone “very beautiful” and that their physical intimacy is “so much deeper and richer and more fulfilling” because his attraction to her isn’t just “surface level.”
Since Greenstone is Jewish, Hoff even converted in order to get married to her. Their traditional Jewish wedding took place at the Kabbalah Center in Boca Raton, Florida. While the ceremony had Jewish elements like a chuppah and a ketubah, they also added new elements that would reflect their personalities and relationship.
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Hoff told BI, “We added elements of our campy personalities into it and made it really irreverent and wild.” As per the portal, Hoff walked down the aisle to the “blood-curdling scream” from “The Phantom of the Opera” soundtrack Meanwhile, one of Greenstone’s vows included going to Hoff’s favorite Mexican restaurant whenever he wanted.
“Everything we did in the wedding felt like it was authentic and reflective of our personalities. But it was also important to us to keep some traditional elements. For example, we liked the idea of not seeing each other in our wedding outfits,” Greenstone said.
Months after marriage, the couple thinks that their “spiritual” connection has become stronger than ever. Meanwhile, Hoff still identifies as gay but says that his attraction to Greenstone is a “one-off”. He added that he would “never imagine being with another woman.”
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On the other hand, Greenstone is heterosexual but believes that her marriage with Hoff is queer because to her, queer means “stepping outside the realm of what society considers normal.”
The couple is quite open about their relationship because they feel it would help normalize such arrangements. Hoff said, “It feels good to share. It feels liberating, and it makes me feel understood in the world as opposed to walking around with this elephant in the room.”
However, Greenstone clarified, “We’re not preaching ‘go and marry your gay best friend. We just want people who find themselves in a mixed-orientation relationship to see that it can have longevity.”
Hoff and his wife are quite active on TikTok and Instagram where they keep posting details about their unique relationship. In one of his videos, Hoff said that he is often asked why he married a woman if he’s gay. Hoff explained, “Samantha is the person I’m connected to spiritually. She’s my soulmate, my partner, the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with! And that often times transcends just plain old sexuality and we are attracted to each other. We’re intimate. It just is on a different level. It’s a soulmate connection.
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The couple has already discussed what their future would look like if they had kids in future. Hoff told BI that he would want his children to know about his sexual orientation.
“My thought is just to raise the kid always knowing that I’m gay. I think it’ll be normal as long as it’s not hidden. They’ll understand from an early age that dad’s gay, just like dad has brown eyes,” he said.
