Abraham Lincoln Battled Such Intense Depression in His Lifetime He Didn’t Trust Himself With a Knife

Trigger Warning: This article contains themes of suicide that some readers may find distressing.

Abraham Lincoln, one of the most celebrated U.S. presidents, endured the Civil War before his assassination. Despite his strength, Lincoln struggled with profound suicidal depression, fearing he might harm himself if surrounded by sharp objects.

The famous documentary, Lover of Men: The Untold History of Abraham Lincoln, delved deeper into his life as someone who was allegedly in love with his roommate, Joshua Speed. One expert described Lincoln as "devastated" by their separation. Another claimed that the days and weeks that followed Speed's departure became the "period of [Lincoln's] darkest depression," per PEOPLE.

"Then Lincoln goes into a suicidal depression," the documentary further claimed. "They established a kind of suicide watch. His friends removed his razor kit and any other sharp objects, like a knife. And he wrote to his law partner 'I am the most miserable man living.'" In the letter, Lincoln further shared the intensity of his grief, writing, "If what I am feeling were distributed to the whole human family, there would not be a cheerful face on the earth. I must die, or be better, it appears to me." 

According to the documentary, intense feelings hit Lincoln after he found out about his roommate Speed's plans to leave him and go back to his family home in Kentucky to care for his mother's farm. The former president had no idea of Speed's plans. Hence, later, he referred to that day as "the fatal first of January," following which he spiraled into suicidal depression. 

A month earlier, Lincoln broke off his engagement with Mary Todd, whom he later married. However, many historians believe his separation from Speed affected him more deeply. For instance, historian Dr. Jean H. Baker, of the book Mary Todd Lincoln: A Biography, wrote, "His great love…was moving back to Kentucky," referring to Speed. 

Meanwhile, Harvard professor John Stauffer, a doctor of literary history, who also wrote the best-selling 2008 book Giants, echoed Baker, "It suggested that Speed and Lincoln had carnal relations," making a claim based on his research, as per Vanity Fair. 

However, several people who looked up to Lincoln for his political accomplishments criticized both the documentary and the historians making such claims. But those involved in the documentary claimed they, by no means, intended to malign Lincoln's image. Instead, they are doing the opposite. Historian Dr. Thomas Balcerski argued, "We are broadening. We're being more inclusive." 

Lover of Men highlights Lincoln’s relationships with four men: Billy Greene, a coworker at a general store; Elmer Ellsworth, an army officer and close friend; David Derickson, Lincoln’s bodyguard during the Civil War; and most notably, Joshua Speed, his roommate. Though none of their research proved that he 'slept' with these men, Skeptics, to this day, look at these bonds from a critical perspective and present their case. 

If you are having thoughts about taking your own life or know of anyone who is, please contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)