Miley Cyrus’ Real Problem Is Grammar, Sufjan Stevens Says

Miley Cyrus has received another open letter, this time with Sufjan Stevens advising the young pop tart about her life and career.

While Miley Cyrus got some not well-received guidance from Sinead O’Connor last week, Sufjan Stevens isn’t as concerned with the starlet being “pimped” out by industry forces… instead, it’s the former Hannah Montana’s use and abuse of the English language that’s troubling the fellow musician.

According to Stevens, Miley could stand to do a bit more editing in her work, but he admits to digging her new efforts. Sufjan begins:

“I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: ‘I been laying in this bed all night long.’ Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. ‘I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.’ ”

Stevens admits to Miley that he isn’t a grammarian, but continues the linguistic assault, adding:

“Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor.”

The folksy star continues:

“But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard of Present Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your ‘present perfect continuous’ involves a lot more excitement than mine.”

But Sufjan employs the old compliment sandwich to get his message across, finally concluding:

“Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness.”

Do you agree with Sufjan Stevens that Miley Cyrus’ should worry less about pimping and pore about participles?