Dear President Obama, Please Quit Wasting Our Time! [Opinion]

As the great government shutdown of 2013 wears on and our ninth day of federal gridlock is underway, much of the predictable discussion regarding our currently arrested development as a nation is… finger pointing. In turn much of that is at the “tyrannical” President Obama, and his insistence on making the Republicans refuse to pass a budget because they didn’t get their way.

In fact, President Obama and his Spite House (amirite?!) have really stuck it to the American people with Obamacare, forcing the healthcare legislation down our throats with the totally unfair use of a major presidential election, the passage of a bill through standard legal channels, winning more than 37 challenges to said bill in Congress, approval of the Supreme Court when the issue was considered, and then another major presidential election to determine the will of the people.

In fact, Dictator Obama and his islamosocialist army even went so far as to win by five million votes, further subverting the will of the people by more closely matching their vision for America than the Republican candidate. Now we’re forced to sit idly by and watch Obama make the GOP hurt us.

And Obamacare. That horrible monstrosity of a bill prompting an Arizona lawmaker to compare Obama to Hitler, one we don’t even know the contents of — except it was published on the web, and has been, and we can read every provision.

But it’s like 400 whole pages long, and it requires reading, so it was basically shoved straight down our faces by force, 40 votes, Supreme Court approval, and two elections. This effing guy, he’s ruining America!

Besides, you guys, despite the government shutdown, so many people are trying to opt in to this last gasp of a dying despotic tyrannical regime that the sites are glitching, which is basically like communism.

Republicans are hastily explaining to us that not only are so many people trying to get on the sites at once they keep crashing (what a bunch of imbeciles running this Obamacare nightmare!) but also no one is trying to get Obamacare at all. It sucks so bad people are simultaneously trying desperately to get and avoid Obamacare coverage at the same time! It almost makes no sense, except Chik-Fil-A, amirite! God Bless America!

We even learned last week that Congress exempted itself from Obamacare before the shutdown, except we also learned that the exemption Congress voted on for itself was actually sort of the opposite of an exemption and sort of a mandate! Wake up, sheeple!

As Americans brace for a system that is “socialism” so watered down as to qualify as homeopathy socialism, one brave blogger named John Green compared our superior old private insurance system with the new, still private (but somehow socialist because Fox News said so with a “chung chung” sound effect) system, which Gawker describes:

“What Green found was that, despite HealthCare.gov‘s acknowledged glitchiness, it took him less than an hour to sign up for insurance… By comparison, the ‘old way’ took over twice as long and would have likely taken much longer had Green not come prepared to answer 25 pages worth of invasive medical history questions ranging from ‘has the applicant received a moving violation’ to ‘has the applicant in the last 10 years discussed surgery.’ ”

Apparently, no one has explained that when a private company violates our privacy and extorts money from us, it’s not nearly as bad as when that happens by a private company who has been forced to charge slightly less and not abuse us as much in the process. How are you all not terrified yet of the monstrosities to come?

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Which brings me to the point… if Obama The Despot Fuhrer has any hope of forcing a gay Islamo-socialist regime on America… why is he still “shucking and jiving” about it? That is a term Republicans keep using to describe his “inaction” on key issues, and you are a totally racist person if you point out the term’s origins to describe a lazy slave!

We are a whole five years into Obama’s term during this government shutdown, and we don’t have forced abortions yet. I haven’t been assigned my same-sex partner for the gay marriage he’s forcing on the American people. While Obamacare is being crammed across the rest of America, the armed enforcers of the IRS haven’t even sent me a nasty letter demanding I sign up, much less roughed me up by coming to my door.

And where the hell is the gun grab? We’ve had more than a dozen massive, horrible deadly massacres in the last few years alone and Obama is totally lazily ignoring the Second Amendment. How on Earth is he going undo our gun culture in a scant three years? The laziness and arrogance is unbelievable!

Yes, the government is totally shut down right now and Obama is presiding over a gridlock thanks to Obamacare. But if he doesn’t end this impasse soon and really get moving, I truly fear there will not be room in FEMA camps for all of us.

And 20,000 Facebook forwards can’t be wrong. Seriously, some of Glenn Beck’s fans have been hoarding food for going on six years now, and the promised impending doom still hasn’t materialized. I’m starting to think we’ll never see a day in America where they take our guns, give our jobs to Mexicans, force us to have abortions, and move the doctor to the DMV. I almost feel like we’ve been lied to here.