Edward Snowden’s Anonymous, LulzSec Supporters Virgin Losers, Former NSA Chief Says

Edward Snowden’s supporters are a bunch of unreasonable, disaffected, not getting laid losers, according to former NSA chief Michael Hayden.

Hayden made some unflattering comments about online activists and supporters of internet freedom in regards to the possible return of Edward Snowden to the US — saying that if America yanks the rogue NSA contractor back to the states, there will be hell to pay in the form of “cyber terrorism.”

That no meaningful acts of such “terrorism” have ever occurred didn’t stop Hayden from laying into a certain internet caucus, lambasting any who would stand up for Snowden as unreasonable, unbalanced, and bizarrely, unpalatable to the opposite sex. (Because, as we know, only men could possible engage in such acts of imagined terror and hacking.)

The Guardian quotes Hayden as characterizing Snowden’s followers as “nihilists, anarchists, activists, Lulzsec, Anonymous, twentysomethings who haven’t talked to the opposite sex in five or six years,” despite support from nobody virgin losers like Jimmy Carter, Glenn Greenwald, and Daniel Ellsberg.

Speaking at the Bipartisan Policy Center on cyber security, Hayden went on to paint a condemning picture of Anonymous and its splinter factions, one with no basis in reality but compelling nonetheless:

“If and when our government grabs Edward Snowden, and brings him back here to the United States for trial, what does this group do?… They may want to come after the US government, but frankly, you know, the dot-mil stuff is about the hardest target in the United States. So if they can’t create great harm to dot-mil, who are they going after? Who for them are the World Trade Centers? The World Trade Centers, as they were for al-Qaida.”

Admitting he was speaking in an “entirely speculative, not predictive” fashion (what is known colloquially as “pulling something out of your ass”), Hayden added:

“I’m just trying to illustrate that you’ve got a group of people out there who make demands, whose demands may not be satisfiable, may not be rational, from other points of view, may not be the kinds of things that government can accommodate… Snowden has created quite a stir among those folks who are very committed to transparency and global transparency and the global web, kind of ungoverned and free.”

He also said:

“And I don’t know that there’s a logic between trying to [punish] America or American institutions for his arrest, but I hold out the possibility. I can sit here and imagine circumstances and scenarios, but they’re nothing more than imaginative.”

Michael Hayden didn’t clarify what he believes Anonymous, LulzSec, or other Edward Snowden supporters might do if the fugitive is returned to the US.