Lindsay Lohan Thanks Bieber, Weiner, K-West, For Keeping Her Seat Warm [Video]
Lindsay Lohan was in fine form as she took on guest-hosting Chelsea Lately on Monday night.
In addition, to a quick and non-jokey reference to her time away, the post-rehab 27-year-old was packing soundbites aplenty in her opening monologue on those who’ve kept her seat warm in the meantime — namely Justin Bieber, Anthony Weiner, Kanye West, and others.
“Chelsea’s not here, and I actually don’t know where she is, but I did see someone who looked like her moving into my old room at Cliffside,” Lohan began, in a nod to the facility she left on July 30.
She added: “As you all know, for the last 90 days I’ve been on a lovely court-ordered vacation in Malibu. But on a real note, it was really great and wonderful. It was. So, I’ve been through a lot lately, and I’ve got a lot of people to thank for that, most notably the celebrities who kept the tabloid industry alive in my absence.”
And with that, the former Meangirls was off.
“Like Anthony Weiner,” she said, referencing the disgraced, fallen New York City politician. “I want to hank Anthony for being a such d**k with an unlimited texting plan.”
West, or Yeezus as he prefers to be called, was next up. The rapper was thanked for “acting like a baby and making a baby” with reality star girlfriend Kim Kardashian.
The actress quipped: “How come when Kanye acts like an idiot, he gets a gold record, but when I act like an idiot, I get a police record? I still haven’t figured that out.”
Bieber, otherwise known as everyone’s favorite Canadian, also found himself in the frame.
The 19-year-old, whose off-and-on tour exploits have kept the entertainment news cycle occupied for six months, name-checked Lohan back in March when he posted an indignant Instagram slamming media comparisons to her. It backfired somewhat, after he tagged it with a critical reference to her tax returns.
So, what did the freshly-sprung Lohan have in the kitty for the Biebs?
“I want to thank you, Justin Bieber, for peeing where you shouldn’t, spitting where you shouldn’t and wearing your pants where you shouldn’t,” she joked. “But most of all, I would like to thank the one person who’s captured the worldwide attention of all of the tabloids: the royal baby.”
Kristen Stewart’s recent flip-out at the paparazzi also got a mention, as did Rupert Sanders, the married man she sat parked mini-cooper with. Harry Styles’ recent cover story GQ (UK) magazine that quizzed him about his sexuality also got a Lohan-roasting.
“When asked how many people he’s slept with, he said, ‘Yes, lower than 50. You’re cornering me, I’ve only ever had sex with two people,'” she said, reading an extract from the article, adding: “He’s obviously not counting oral. Sorry, Harry!”
Welcome back Lindsay!
[Image via The Daily Beast]
