‘Big Brother 21’ Runner-Up Holly Allen Remembers Losing One Year Ago, Reveals What Cameras Didn’t Show

It’s been one year since Jackson Michie took home the $500,000 grand prize on Big Brother Season 21. His showmance partner, Holly Allen, sat next to him on finale night, and she ultimately lost to her boyfriend by a vote of 6-3. Their season was met with much controversy as several houseguests, including Jackson, came under fire for racially insensitive comments. Holly was also met with criticism, something she still seems to be struggling with today.

In a new Instagram post, which you can view here, the former beauty pageant contestant penned a lengthy caption about her time in the Big Brother house. Holly said her biggest dream slipped right through her fingers after she lost to Jackson, even though she was happy for her partner to take home the victory. She then said reliving the loss has “haunted” her and said she has been “consumed with regret.”

Holly also admitted she knew that when she walked into the house that she would be in the final two. She explained a calmness had come over her and she turned out to be correct as she coasted to finale night. That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t change the way she played the game entirely, however. She explained she threw competitions when she needed to and won when it was most important.

It looks like Holly’s issues with the game arose when she went back and watched her season. This is an extremely difficult task for anyone who has participated in Big Brother, as the editing only reveals what the producers want the audience to see. Holly was not happy with how she was portrayed, to say the least.

“Losing was hard. Rewatching was harder,” she remembered. “All the hours I’d spent calculating my strategy? Never made air. Of course I was suspicious in the house based on what I was prompted to talk about. But I kept faith that the world would see my strengths and my game. Sadly, it wasn’t the case. As a woman, I wasn’t shown as the strong one. My relationship was shown more than my character. There’s so much that defines me that I thought I was showing the world. But hey, that’s reality tv.”

Holly said she knew things like this would happen, and how she was portrayed would ultimately be out of her control. The reality star explained she still has respect for Big Brother and the producers despite the way she might have come off on television.

Viewers began discrediting Holly in the comments section of her post, calling her the “shower stool girl,” and she decided to respond. Holly and Jackson were made a joke of on Twitter during their time on the show for having a little too much fun in the Head of Household shower, to the point where they had to bring in a stool for support. Holly pointed out that being known as the “shower stool girl” proved her point of being portrayed as just a showmance partner and not a good player.