Punxsutawney Phil May Get Death Sentence For Predicting Early Spring

Spring has officially started, but many areas of the country are still experiencing frigid temperatures and winter-like conditions. Who’s to blame for this freezing weather? Yep, that rascally rodent Punxsutawney Phil.

An Ohio prosecutor is seeking the death penalty for the famous Groundhog after the seer of seers, the prognosticator of prognosticators, incorrectly predicted an early spring. Punxsutawney Phil has gotten his prediction wrong before (he gets it wrong about half the time), but Michael Gmoser has finally had enough.

According to Fox News, Gmoser filed the paper work and is hoping that others join him in his crusade to put Phil to death.

Gmoser said: “Let’s face it, Punxsutawney Phil has let us down … I awoke this morning to a snowstorm, low temperatures and howling wind … We in Butler County, like everyone in the nation, depend on Phil to give us a breath of spring in time … You know, Phil lives his life behind bars as it is. This is the only penalty available. Maybe it’s time for a Phyllis instead.”

It’s doubtful that Gmoser is serious about putting Punxsutawney Phil to death. If he is, the nation should take a few minutes to reflect on the type of people we elect to public office. If he’s not serious, the nation should really take some time to reflect on how our elected officials are using their time in office.

Regardless of Gmoser’s intentions, it isn’t likely that the Groundhog will be sent to the electric chair. Why? Because it has absolutely no legal standing? Well, yes. But also because Jeffrey Lundy, vice president of the Punxsutawney Ground Hog Club, said that Phil’s armed guards won’t let Gmoser get anywhere near the Groundhog.

Lundy said: “He’s going to have to go through 15 licensed hunters to get to Phil … We’ll find out how good of a prosecutor [Gmoser] is. If he doesn’t know how to speak groundhog-ese, he’ll never understand a word Phil says.”

The last person who tried to kill Punxsutawney Phil drove the rodent off of a cliff. It didn’t end well for either of them.