Grammy Awards Warned: No Boobs, No Butts, No Wardrobe Malfunctions [Video]

CBS has been very clear about this year’s Grammy Awards. They don’t want to see any exposed breasts, no nipple slips, no exposed derrieres, no exposed anythings. They just want a good, clean show.

An email leaked and posted to Deadline shows CBS’s “wardrobe advisory” for this Sunday’s 55th Annual Grammy Awards. In it, network heads ban exposed female breasts, buttocks, and genitals, and other curiosities like organization-boosting lapel pins. So basically no charity shout-outs?

The censorship of any kind of nudity on TV is pretty much a given. We all remember the controversy surrounding P!nk’s nude bodysuit from the 2010 Grammys, and we all know that there are some artists who like to push the envelope. But some of the other requirements put forth by CBS do seem a bit nit-picky.

The network source who provided the letter jokingly opined, “I assume that my lovely colleagues do not get this same email for the Oscars,” continuing, gravely serious, “And yes, this is a real email.”

Here’s the email in question, via Mediaite:

Date: February 5, 2013, 10:39:56 PM EST
Subject: 55th GRAMMYS: Standard And Practice Wardrobe Advisory

-kindly confirm receipt of s&p standards-

***GRAMMYS 2013***

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

I love how they warn against certain types of clothing because they’re “problematic.” That’s not ambiguous at all. And this line “be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure,” ha ha ha WHAT?

What do you think of CBS’s wardrobe advisory for the Grammy Awards?