Ellen DeGeneres recently celebrated the 15th season of her daytime talk show by openly admitting there was a time when she felt like maybe she wasn’t meant for Hollywood.
“The bullying I endured in Hollywood after I came out made up for the lack of it during my childhood,” the 50-year-old star told Good Housekeeping magazine for its September cover story.
“I moved out of L.A., went into a severe depression, started seeing a therapist and had to go on antidepressants for the first time in my life,” she added.
DeGeneres publicly revealed her sexuality in April of 1997, at the same time she came out as gay on her hit ABC sitcom, Ellen .
A year later, the show had been canceled, and its star seemed in a tailspin.
“It was scary and lonely,” DeGeneres said of her rejection. “All I’d known for 30 years was work, and all of a sudden I had nothing. Plus, I was mad. It didn’t feel fair — I was the same person everyone had always known.”
Soon after that, DeGeneres started meditating as a way of dealing with her depression. And not long after that, she was back to writing and working out.
“I can’t believe I came back from that point,” she said. “I can’t believe where my life is now.”
DeGeneres recently celebrated her nine-year wedding anniversary to Scandal actress Portia De Rossi by reflecting on social media “being her wife is the greatest thing I am.”
And DeGeneres also insists the days of her worrying about what others have to say or think about her are long gone.
“I don’t know what people are saying about me, and I don’t want to know, because I don’t care,” she said. “My motto is, ‘I do my best. You can be with me or not.’”
That’s not to say things have come easy for the Hollywood power couple.
Over time, the two have been dogged by persistent rumors of trouble in their union; In Touch Weekly reported as recently as last June that the two appeared headed for divorce court, with De Rossi expected to walk away with a sizable chunk of DeGeneres’ estimated $360 million fortune.
“It’s happening,” a source told In Touch . “She and Portia are breaking up. Portia’s ring has been off for a while now.”
Much of the couple’s troubles were reported to center around DeGeneres’ demanding ways, which De Rossi reportedly had come to feel stymied her career.
But in more recent times, the two have seemed the picture of happiness.
[Featured Image by Christopher Polk/Getty Images]