Nirvana Facebook Page Upsets Fans By Savaging ‘Kurt Cobain Is Alive’ Conspiracy

Nirvana fans of a somewhat delicate disposition are upset that the band’s official Facebook page has savaged rumors about Kurt Cobain being alive, well, and giving wonderful renditions of “Come As You Are” on Peruvian talent shows.

There’s a school of thought which would have you believe rock stars don’t die, they just end up hanging around burger bars, living on the streets, and indulging in a spot of light gardening.

Apparently they are also strangely prone to spending their days photo bombing, taking a string of selfies, and leaving heavy-handed clues to their real identity.

In reality, Jim Morrison may have breathed his last in the bath, Elvis Presley may have met his maker on the porcelain throne, Tupac Shakar’s last words may have been “f**k you” to the cop who was first on the scene after the rapper was mowed down by his enemies, and Kurt Cobain’s final action on this moral coil may have been the pulling of a trigger. But in theory – and we’re talking conspiracy theory here – all these guys didn’t burn out, but just faded away into the background, as their legends grew big and their record company’s bank balance grew even bigger.

Faking your own death is a big ask, but when you’re one of the most famous people on the planet, one is tempted to snarl, “Poppycock!”

Admittedly, rock stars don’t die the same deaths as mere mortals. Much like Obi-Wan Kenobi, when they’re struck down, they grow even stronger in the hearts and minds of the legions of fans they leave behind.

When Jesus Christ died, he came back from the dead a few days later to hang around in a cave with his disciples, and why shouldn’t rock n’ roll messiahs such as Presley, Morrison, and Cobain do the same?

Well, because no matter how much religious-like fervor the late greats invoke in the sweating hordes, and no matter how iconic they become, none of them can claim to be the son of god. They’re just mere mortals who knew their way around a tune and had an unusual habit of being themselves and no one else.

Yet according to some, Kurt Cobain didn’t get a grim dose of the shotgun blues some 20 years ago, but has been on the down-low for the last two decades. And here’s the best part: he still dresses the same, has the same hair, and hasn’t written any new songs.

In fact, he now goes by the name of Ramiro Saavedra and enjoys wearing grunge attire like it’s 1991 all over again and preforming Nirvana classic “Come As You Are” on Peruvian talent show Yo Soy.

The Daily Mail reports the clip of the man who would be Cobain was shared online, leading many people to enthuse, “OMG Kurt Cobain from Nirvana is alive.”

Here’s the thing.

Kurt Cobain is dead, but Kurt Cobain will never grow old, never grow fat, never record a terrible album, never sell-out, and more importantly, will always look good on a t-shirt. The Nirvana singer was many things in his 27 years, but he was definitely a misfit. Rock n’ Roll loves a misfit. It eats them up and spits them out the other side, either dead, dying, or addicted.

Kurt Cobain never seemed to like himself a whole lot, but other people did. Or at least they worshipped an idolized version of a man that a generation helped to paint with big broad strokes.

As far as the marketing men who exchange handshakes in darkened corridors are concerned, Kurt Cobain is also dead beautiful.

Cobain’s perfect image is frozen in eternity without the baldness and belly of middle-age to threaten its enchanting lure. Cobain’s songs of sorrow and despair remain all the more potent because he gave them added authenticity with his death. Cobain no longer has an opinion to voice, criticisms to make, spleen to vent, insults to hurl, or a heart to rage. Cobain is dead, but his legend lives on, and more than that, it sells, and sells well.

Here’s another thing.

If Kurt Cobain is alive and that is indeed the godfather of grunge on the aforementioned clip, then jeepers creepers, the dude hasn’t evolved much, except the world famous lefty now plays guitar right-handed – a little fact Nirvana’s official Facebook page pointed out to fans a little too eager to believe in King Cobain’s resurrection.

“It is true, Kurt is alive. He needed time to learn to play the guitar with his right hand. Finding left-handed guitars is not easy. We are so happy to have him back and forgive him for all of the sadness that we have held so deeply in our hearts.”

Needless to say. Such humor didn’t go down too well with many fans who criticized the statement as “stupid and disrespectful” and “f*****g horribly repulsive.”

Here’s one more thing.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

Kurt Cobain said that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h832OXdtqxY

[Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images]