Experts Advise On How To Talk To Your Kids About Terrorism
How do you talk to your kids about terrorism? In our current media environment. access to images, raw footage, and up to the minute news talking points can make it difficult to filter what little eyes and ears take in. Fred Rogers, better known as television’s “Mr. Rogers,” had been a gentle, reassuring media presence for the younger set for nearly half a century when he was interviewed by the Archive of American Television in 1999.
Prosecutor on @CNN: 10 children killed, 52 in critical condition, and 202 injured in #NiceAttack. The latest: https://t.co/kdpvlCWbvD
— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) July 15, 2016
Rogers, an ordained Presbyterian Minister as well as a famous fictional neighbor, had seen his share of news stories that were potentially scary to kids. When asked how he thought adults should tell kids about terrorism and other catastrophic events as they are depicted on the news, he looked to his mother for inspiration.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”
According to the Parent Resources page at Fred Rogers.org, horrific news stories such as the latest terrorist attacks in Nice and Orlando can be confusing for young children. The images are piped into our living room televisions and on screens in hands that can be everywhere, sometimes in situations where parents can’t always immediately intervene. Very young children often internalize every incident as something that is as close as their very own home. While we understand the attacks may be half a continent, even an ocean away, kids latch on to the more universal aspects of the incident: the emotions and the basic realities of being safe or not.
Should Parents Talk To Kids About Terrorism?
How to talk to your kids about terrorism is not always the first challenge. Sometimes it’s a question of when a parent should broach the subject. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network offered guidelines on signs that the current headlines might be having a detrimental effect on children.
They list increased sensitivity and intense response to sounds, changes in work and play habits, and obsessive focus on events or aspects of recent news stories as signs that kids might be having a hard time with what they’re seeing and hearing. The fear they have for the safety of themselves and the people they love is very real.
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What do to the contributors at Fred Rogers.org and the NTCSN suggest adults do when talking to kids about terrorism?
Danielle Lewis of the NTCSN writes that it is a good idea for parents to start the conversation. Silence can be interpreted by children as an indicator that what has happened is so terrible, it is not possible to overcome or fix the outcome of what has happened. Talking honestly about what has happened can scale events to something more realistic.
The experts at Fred Rogers.org state that asking children what they think occurred can lead to a better understanding of what they know and what they are afraid will happen. When children don’t talk, when they don’t ask questions, they sometimes misinterpret the what, who, why, when, and how of those frightening headlines.
Both sources suggest remaining calm. Is it okay to share that adults are sad and sometimes scared by what the see? To a degree, yes. It is important to create a feeling that kids are safe.
French Children Have Questions About Terrorist Attacks
Pamela Druckerman, an ex-pat American parent who is currently living in Paris, wrote an essay for the New York Times about her children’s response to last year’s attacks on their city in November of 2015. The children’s awareness that what happened within hearing of their home was informed by their knowledge of the Charlie Hebdo massacre. Upon hearing gunshots, the first thing they asked was if there was an attack happening.
Druckerman cited Dr. Francoise Dolto, who is a prominent voice in France when it comes to handling some of the tougher issues parents face.
“Be honest…. Children ‘don’t live on planet Mars,’ said François Dufour, editor in chief of Le Petit Quotidien and two other daily French newspapers, for kids ages 6 to 17. ‘They live in the same world we do.’ But there are limits; she and others agreed that parents shouldn’t show kids any photos or footage of the violence. ‘My advice to parents is to start with the questions of the children.'”
As our world gets smaller and news has an almost instantaneous reach thanks to our increasingly wired-in society, the question of how to talk to kids about tough issues like terrorism can be immediate.
[Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images]
