Amazon Review Gold: Dude Bought Honeywell Thermostat, Trolls Cruel Ex-Wife (Maybe)
Amazon reviews have turned out to occasionally provide hilarious internet reading from time to time, and such is the case with a Honeywell thermostat review (found by Reddit users) with a funny-if-true backstory.
Amazon reviews that go viral range when it comes to truth-level — there’s the ostensibly true, the possibly real, and the clearly satirical. Examples of the latter encompass the time when abortion rights supporters reviewed the pink sneakers worn by Texas politician Wendy Davis during her historic filibuster as “great for outrunning the patriarchy,” or the Duncan Hines Yellow Cake reviews suggesting customers used it to power nuclear weapons.
The Honeywell thermostat review is written or is meant to be interpreted as true tale, involving a spendthrift ex-wife and formerly dutiful husband — and what happened when she bled him dry financially. and left for metaphorically greener pastures.
Spotted by Reddit’s u/TaterTotsForLunch, the story is both salacious and juicy — apparently, if reviewer “The General” is for real and telling the hand on the Bible truth, his former spouse took him for a major ride… and he has the small comfort of minor vengeance here.
According to “The General,” his erstwhile missus had very expensive tastes:
“My former wife loves to take expensive vacations. We live in Ohio, which doesn’t exactly have extravagant places to see unless you like to watch grass growing or interstate construction. While we make OK money, I’m convinced she felt the need to single handedly improve the US economy by taking elaborate vacations: Broadway shows in New York City, gambling in Las Vegas, Spa’s in Arizona, sightseeing in San Francisco. The airlines know me so well they ask about my dog when I call to make reservations. His name is Fred.”
He explains not only why he selected this Honeywell thermostat, but also pauses to review the device briefly — first in standard operational terms:
“In my attempt to try and save whatever I could so the princess could have her nice things I bought this Honeywell Wi-Fi enabled device so I could adjust the HVAC while we were away piling up massive amounts of debt on Mickey Mouse watches… The device works flawlessly.”
The reviewer continues:
“You can adjust the temp from anywhere you have a Wi-Fi or cellular signal. Little did I know that my ex had found someone that had a bit more money than I did and decided to make other travel plans. Those plans included her no longer being my wife and finding a new travel partner (Carl, a banker). She took the house, the dog and a good chunk of my 401k, but didn’t mess with the wireless access point or the Wi-Fi enabled Honeywell thermostat.”
I think we know where this is going. He concludes:
“Since this past Ohio winter has been so cold I’ve been messing with the temp while the new love birds are sleeping. Doesn’t everyone want to wake up at 7 AM to a 40 degree house? When they are away on their weekend getaways, I crank the heat up to 80 degrees and back down to 40 before they arrive home. I can only imagine what their electricity bills might be.”
Finally:
“It makes me smile. I know this won’t last forever, but I can’t help but smile every time I log in and see that it still works. I also can’t wait for warmer weather when I can crank the heat up to 80 degrees while the love birds are sleeping. After all, who doesn’t want to wake up to an 80 degree home in the middle of June?”
Of course, we can’t say for sure that this Honeywell thermostat review is on the up and up — and of course, verifying that with certainty is nearly impossible, particularly because there is likely some legal recourse for individuals whose home climate control has been tampered with by disgruntled former husbands.
But we have to agree with the commenter who replies that “revenge is best served at whatever temperature you see fit.” Click here to read the Honeywell thermostat review in full, and here for the Reddit thread.
[Image: Honeywell Wi-Fi Smart Thermostat, Amazon.com]
