Duck Dynasty Paintball War Declared With GI Joe At Stake

Duck Dynasty Season 5, Episode 6, “G.I. Si” aired last night. The episode opened with Miss Kay trying to encourage her brood of bearded, overgrown boys to give their childhood toys to charity. Willie, Jase and Co. were more than happy to give up their childhood toys until Willie discovered an old G.I. Joe action figure in the boxes.

To Willie’s credit, he offered to buy and donate a whole box of the action figures. However, he made it clear that the one Miss Kay was trying to give away had special sentimental value. This led to an argument about who the action figure actually belonged to.

Jase claimed the G.I. Joe figure actually belonged to him. Willie showed everyone the red mark he painted on Joe’s boot as proof that the action figure belonged to him. Jase suggested Willie’s “proof” was akin to cattle rustlers putting their brand on stolen cattle, suggesting Willie would be hung in the Old West. The only thing the two could agree on was that Miss Kay should stop calling the action figure a “doll.”

In typical Duck Dynasty fashion, one thing leads to another and Willie and Jase get into an argument about who would have made a better soldier – with Uncle Si pointing out repeatedly that he was the only one who actually was a soldier. This eventually leads to the declaration of a Duck Dynasty paintball war, with the G.I. Joe figure serving as the spoils of war.

Of course, Willie and Jase could never carry on a Duck Dynasty paintball war by their lonesome, so they bring in Willie’s kids – who both ended up on Team Jase and others to round out the paintball teams.

Uncle Si gets picked last and decides to “go mercenary” and teach the rest of the Robertson clan a lesson.

The Duck Commander Phil Robertson himself, whose old Jeep is up for auction and who recently squelched rumors that he might be considering a run for the Senate, managed to stay out of the paintball battle, opting instead to help younger son Jep with a home improvement project. The elder statesman of the Robertson clan was also noticeably missing from a Superbowl commercial featuring the Duck Dynasty crew.

Uncle Si ends up playing spoiler in the paintball war, which ends inconclusively – possibly setting us up for a “Duck Dynasty Paintball War 2” sometime in the future. As always, the episode was sprinkled with a healthy dose of Uncle Si’s unique wit and ended with Phil Robertson leading his family in a prayer over their meal.

At the end of the day, everyone was getting along again, even if the ownership of the G.I. Joe action figure and the winner of the Duck Dynasty paintball war were left undecided.