Brian Zulberti Was Almost A Lawyer, Now Fights For NSFW Selfie Rights

In the criminal justice system, there are sometimes aspiring lawyers like Brian Zulberti who post pictures of their junk online. This is his story.

DOINK DOINK!

Okay, in all seriousness, we’re going to try to inject as much seriousness into this totally asinine story as humanly possible. Back in July, recent law school grad Brian Zulberti emailed the Delaware Bar in an attempt to get a job. Instead of his resume, he attached a photo of himself in a Villanova Law t-shirt and implied “tickets to the gun show.”

Some half-nude photos of Zulberti were discovered and padded his viral success. Months later, he has populated his own website with a handful of extremely NSFW selfies, and is in the process of starting a social movement of some kind based on his aborted legal career.

We’ll let him handle it from here:

Dear Esteemed Colleague of the Delaware Bar,

I contact you asking for your support in an important social cause, albeit a controversial one. Here in Delaware, attorneys have a tendency to tout themselves as paradigms of legal competence, candor, and professionalism. What better distinguished body to take the forefront and speak out against the tidal wave of social media firings that is unjustly obliterating competent and driven employees from coast to coast.

The problem is simple. Americans everywhere, especially professionals such as ourselves, are being fired for posting things through social media that are completely legal and have no tangible relevance whatsoever to their performance at work. The result has been the rise of the nonsensical belief that employers have the right to deem all of their employees as the “face of the company” during every waking moment of their lives. The further result is that each and every one of us, as attorneys, is faced with the decision to either fit into the expectations of how we behave in our private lives, or face the very real specter of devastating workplace consequences.

This is wrong, and I have been working full time since the end of July, thanks in large part to generous donations from supporters and fans, to draw attention to this movement.

So basically, lawyers should be allowed to be people too, and no one should be fired for their NSFW selfies the way he was.

Zulberti has become something of a human interest project over at the blog Above The Law. They profiled his odd social media movement here, taking the stuffy legal tone that Zulberti is so keen to break all by himself from the outside of a respected institution.

For their sins, Above The Law received two distinct responses from Zulberti. One, a frank and measured video response:

And two, an L-O-L unofficial blog entry which included a gratuitous “thank you” for using such a big black box to hide his penis on the pictures they used.

“I want to thank her [Staci Zaretsky of Above The Law] for the manner in which she did her redactions of my naked pictures for her article.

“Obviously, she cannot be putting my ‘penis pictures’ up on Above the Law. So she had to ‘redact’ them. For those who don’t know, that means blacking out certain choice parts to maintain some proper decency. But, in the one picture where I am laying on my back with certain parts of my anatomy in full, glorious display, she used an extremely large black box to obscure my penis. In fact, it was a larger box than would have been required to redact my penis. I thought that was a wonderful development because people looking at the redacted pictures may have thought that the entire black box would have been required to black out that particular area of my body- which would be impressive indeed. I mean, you could have redacted an elephant with the size of the black box she used. God damn, I know I am going to get lots of dates now. Thanks Staci! <3 “

While Brian Zulberti and Above The Law wage their war of words, I’m actually interested in speaking to him myself. Mr. Zulberti, if you’re reading this (I know you are, you have a news section on your website), drop me a line and we’ll set up a chat about your social media movement and, you know, your NSFW selfies.