Edward Snowden Stars In NSFW Fanfic/Satire ‘Snowjob’ And You Just Have To Read It

Rule 34 of the Internet holds that if a thing exists, there is porn of it, and there are no exceptions. So NSFW fan-fiction about NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden was bound to happen sooner rather than later.

Written by Andrew Shaffer, “Snowjob” tells the story of “Eddie Snowjob,” a government contractor who feels conflicted about the FDA’s secret surveillance system GISM. Basically, it’s the same as the real story except with frequent sex breaks a la any porn film ever made of anything.

“Snowjob” is an ongoing, serialized piece of fan-fiction published in chapter installments on Shaffer’s website.

It’s worth noting that Shaffer might actually have an ulterior motive in publishing his Edward Snowden fanfic. He is actually semi-famous for his parody Fifty Shames of Earl Grey and a handful of essays on “Why fanfiction is taking over the world.” To wit, he describes “Snowjob” as a satire.

When you realize it’s not just okay but encouraged to have a laugh at this, the following entries take on a different tone:

“Why are you smiling like that?” Glinda asked.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

Snowjob gulped loudly. “That’s absurd.”

“You didn’t come in early to work,” Glinda said, peering at his open laptop. “You came in early to play around with GISM.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Snowjob said.

“Oh, please,” Glinda said. “GISM stores a record of every food and drug ever ingested by Americans. You feel powerful when you fire it up and just browse through people’s personal lives — and power is the greatest aphrodisiac known to man. Admit it: you were planning to take the six AM to Spanktown.”

Needless to say, things get pretty explicit pretty quickly.

It’s actually interesting to me that no one has actually written a serious piece of sexual fan-fiction about Edward Snowden yet. His own real-life sexual “conquests” and rumored flirtation with infamous Russian spy Anna Chapman lend themselves to such material, and if you know anything about fan-fiction, you know that those folks have come up with much, much worse. Snowden/Boehner/Pelosi threesome worse. Good luck not picturing that.

You can check out more of Shaffer’s Edward Snowden fan-fiction here.

h/t – DailyDot