John Cleese Syria Hoax: And Now For Something Completely Fake

A message from John Cleese about the situation in Syria has been circulating around the internet today. And yes, it’s a hoax.

The message takes a very Monty Python approach to the world problems saying that the English have raised their security level from “miffed” to “peeved.” If the situation in Syria continues to escalate, the fake John Cleese promises that the security level will be raised again to “irritated.”

The message reads: “Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.”

If you’re a fan of John Cleese you may find the message pretty humorous. But before you scroll down to check out the rest of the hoax you should know that it wasn’t actually written by the comedian.

The message has been around since about 2005 and has been changed, lengthened, reworded, and customized to fit the current situation. The message was started by an anonymous writer, some claim John Humberstone, and has been picked up and changed by various internet scribes over the years.

At one point, someone attributed the message to John Cleese and since then, well, the Monty Python comedian keeps showing up whenever there’s a major world conflict.

Have you seen the John Cleese Syria hoax on Twitter or Facebook? Well, now it’s time for something completely made up.

Cleese writes:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese,

British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought – Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.