Did Rob Pattinson Give Kristen Stewart A Marriage Ultimatum? Not Likely [Rumor]

Let’s be real. No one has any idea what’s really going on with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. We’ve got an IQ writer scratching bald patches into her lovely locks over the trigger-happy media frenzy surrounding the veritable vacuum of reliable information. “Rob is drunk, Kristen is pregnant, He hooked up with her mother, she’s really a space alien,” that’s what it all sounds like, and we too have been a part of it.

So take this newest report with a tablespoon of salt. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are back together, but there was one condition for the reunion. Stewart has to marry Pattinson. Become his wife. Or it’s over.

The rumor started over at the Daily Star this weekend and has been making webloid rounds ever since. According to the story, Pattinson “wants to tie the knot” with Stewart “in an attempt to save their relationship.”

“The stud has agreed to give her one last chance under the conditions she ‘truly commits to him,’” explains the Daily Star.

Pointing to “friends close to the pair,” they claim that Pattinson has “agreed to give their relationship one more try so long as she considers marrying him.”

“He is desperate to make it work and wants to give her another chance but not unless she proves she really wants it too,” says the source.

GossipCop, who are usually really good about sorting this stuff out, is calling B.S.

“The Daily Star is claiming that Pattinson, hurt by Stewart’s indiscretion with director Rupert Sanders, is now forcing her to marry him to prove her fidelity. Even though the couple was not close to marrying before the scandal broke, and even though Pattinson has moved with deliberate caution in reconciling, the tabloid wants everyone to believe that he suddenly thinks the best way to resolve their issues is by leaping into a cheating-induced engagement.

Because the best way to make a shaky relationship healthy is by… dramatically raising the stakes?

This makes zero sense,” they write.

We’re inclined to agree. Rob and Kristen are an intensely private couple the likes of which, when compared with their relative fame, may have never been seen before (or at least not recently, and definitely not during the digital age). Media coverage of the two following the Snow White fiasco (where something probably happened, we just don’t know what) started with a lot of shrugs and guesses, and eventually guesses were built on guesses and speculation was built on speculation. Pretty soon, we got so used to hearing it and so desperate for real information, we just kind of started believing the gossip. It has to get more and more dramatic, more and more extreme to catch our attention, and we’ve been on the ride for so long that we forgot what solid ground feels like.

Because when you step off of this roller-coaster, it really looks more like a kiddie ride. Objectively? This rumor makes zero sense.

So perhaps I will just conclude by saying that I wish both Rob and Kristen the best, and hope that they can work through their problems. You guys are beating the gossip, just keep doing you.