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Kanye West ‘Real Friends’ Lyrics: ‘Cousin Stole My Laptop I Was F****** B****** On — Paid $250,000 To Get Back From Him’

By Paula Mooney
Published on: 10:41 PST, Jan 8, 2016

Kanye West dropped “Real Friends,” and to say “Real Friends” is “fire” is an understatement. The “Real Friends” song by Kanye has lyrics that begin by paying homage to the old-school Whodini song “Friends,” which also asked back in 1984, “Friends — how many of us have them?”

For Kanye’s version of “Real Friends,” which can be heard in the below NSFW video from SoundCloud, West gets real and raw and is lighting Twitter up so much that “Real Friends” is a trending topic. As reported by Twitter, “Real Friends” has 145,000 tweets as of this writing, with reactions to Kanye’s new song gaining him comparisons to his Graduation album days. Meanwhile, copies of West’s “Real Friends” song being uploaded to YouTube are quickly being taken down via copyright claims from Universal Music Group (UMG) even as UMG doesn’t have Kanye’s official “Real Friends” song on their YouTube channel.

Warning: The below audio of Kanye’s “Real Friends” song contains lyrics that might be offensive to some listeners.

Kanye begins by asking how many of us have real friends, and of those real friends, how many are jealous of the successes of their friends.

“How many of us? How many jealous?”

“Not many of us.”

Kanye next rhymes about trust issues and changing cell phone numbers as needed, perhaps only giving out the new cell phone number to his real friends.

“Trust issues?”

“Switch up the number.”

West rhymes that he cannot blame family and friends for viewing him as a deadbeat cousin who “effs” the church up drinking at the communion. West seems to recognize and confess his own flaws in “Real Friends,” at times throughout the lyrics pointing to himself as one who can’t be classified as a real friend.

“Who your real friends?”

Kanye rhymes about those he forgot to call, and the birthdays he forgot. West wonders when the last time he wasn’t in a hurry, and waxes nostalgic about the time a real friend or family member asked him to call his daughter on a FaceTime call, but now Kanye’s “way too busy just to make time, even for my real friends.”

The word on the street, Kanye rhymes in “Real Friends,” is that people talk down on his name and throw dirt on his reputation, even as he can’t tell you how old someone’s kid is now. Besides, with “Real Friends” obviously written and recorded prior to the birth of Saint West, Kanye raps about having his “own junior on the way.”

Still, he thinks of pictures with a person’s sister, and says Merry Christmas. But when it comes to paying bills for others, that line gets old with West.

“Please don’t pressure me with that bill s***.”

“N***** think I’m crazy you defending me.”

“Money turn your kin into an enemy,”

“How many are real friends to the end, till the wheels don’t spin?”

“Till 3 a.m. – calling just to ask you a question.”

Kanye rhymes about someone texting him asking, “What’s up fam? I’m good” and then proceeds to ask for cash. The most incendiary part of “Real Friends” comes when Kanye charges a cousin with extortion. West says a cousin stole his laptop, which apparently included some NSFW videos and sex tapes that could’ve been leaked to the likes of TMZ or whatever publication would have coughed up the dough for Kim Kardashian’s husband’s sex tape. Instead, Kanye says he coughed up a quarter of a million dollars to get the laptop back from his own flesh and blood, and to keep those sex tapes private.

“Cousin stole my laptop that I was f****** b****** on — paid $250,000 to get that back from him.”

In the “No More Parties in L.A.,” Kanye rhymes about a woman who forgot her Ray-Bans and muses that his sheets are still orange from her spray tan.

[Photo by Al Powers/Powers Imagery/Invision/AP]

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