It’s Official: Eating Bacon Is ‘Better Than Sex,’ Says J&D’s Foods Spoof Infographic

As you head to the kitchen to make that tasty breakfast, this vital information will be valuable indeed. Learn how, according to 45 percent of Canadians, eating bacon is better than sex.

Naturally, most people already know this, but an infographic produced by J&D’s Foods, detailing what happens one hour after eating the tasty treat, says that for 45 percent of Canadians, eating bacon is better than sex.

Recently, some spoil-sport made an infographic of what happens to your body within an hour of drinking Coca-Cola, which rapidly went viral on the Internet. That infographic was bad news indeed, and on top of that, a group of health-fiends made a video telling that diabetes and obesity were the actual “real things” when drinking the popular soda.

According to the Daily Mail, this infographic caught the eye of J&D’s Foods, and they decided to make one all of their own about the effects of eating bacon.

It should be mentioned, of course, that the company manufactures all those bacony delights, such as bacon seasonings, bacon-flavored sandwich spreads, and dips, and even such weird products as Bacon Lip Balm, Bacon Sunscreen, and Bacon Shaving Cream. You get the drift. They make everything “bacon.” This includes everything from eating bacon, to putting it on your salad, to spreading it on your bread, to rubbing it on your skin.

With tongue firmly placed in cheek, J&D’s Foods produced the bacon infographic included below, and it’s a dilly.

If it’s a little difficult to read, this is how the whole thing rolls. You are cooking breakfast for the family, and in the first 10 minutes, you feel pretty good about it.

While initially you have every good intention to share with the rest of the family, after 10 minutes, “You’ve become a hungry wolf-person who will fight to the death for every scrap of food in your vicinity.”

Twenty minutes later, after eating a couple strips of the salty delight, the “savory, smoky, salty, and slightly sweet flavors hit your taste buds and register in your brain’s pleasure receptors.”

At this point, J&D’s Foods claims that 45 percent of Canadians actually prefer this feeling when eating bacon to the act of sex, adding that from what they’ve been told, “Canadian sex is actually pretty good.”

After 40 minutes, you only mean to eat one strip of bacon, but you find you have actually eaten three, while only remembering eating two. J&D’s asks the disturbing question, “Did you black out?”

A mere five minutes later, things get even more disturbing.

You’ve cooked even more strips of bacon, and you take three-and-a-half-more strips and scotch tape them underneath the remaining bacon to make it look like just one strip while emitting a truly evil laugh.

After a mere 60 minutes, breakfast is ready for the whole family. You have a total of six strips of bacon for five people, but seeing as you cooked, it’s only fair that you get two, right?

At this point, guilt might be setting in, and we remember, “Science tells us that we take an hour off our lives for every seven slices we eat.”

However, J&D’s is quick to point out, “This is the same science that doesn’t know what 85% of the universe is made of, why cats purr or why we’re here.”

So there you go, it’s Sunday morning – head to the kitchen and start cooking for the whole family. Enjoy! Probably the best message to take from all this is that everything is OK in moderation, even when eating bacon, and just in case you missed the Coca-Cola infographic, it’s included below.

Just as a point of interest, readers, do you think eating bacon is better than sex? Let us know below.

[Images: Bacon CC BY-ND 2.0 Mandy Jouan / Bacon infographic J&D’s Foods / Strip of bacon CC BY-NC 2.0 anjuli_ayer / Coke Infographic Facebook]