Royal Baby Birth A Conspiracy — Kate Middleton Too Pretty To Be A New Mom, Russian Paranoids Claim

The birth of the royal baby was faked — all a conspiracy, says a Russian newspaper. Why? Simple. Kate Middleton just looked too pretty to be a new mom when she emerged from the hospital — a mere 10 hours after delivering the new princess — to greet her public and reveal the baby to the world.

The photo above is just one of dozens taken as Kate Middleton and Prince William introduced their second child to cheering well-wishers.

But even British moms reacted with disbelief to Duchess Kate’s immaculate appearance, judging by reactions expressed on Twitter.

“How bloody great does Kate look! I definitely didn’t look like that a few hours after giving birth,” wrote one mom.

“Dear Jesus I love you. You’re awesome, please let me look half as good as Kate Middleton after giving birth,” wrote another typical Twitter poster.

But in Russia, envious mothers took their jealousy a step further — maybe more than a step.

According to a number of women quoted in the pro-government Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper, the Duchess of Cambridge did not, in fact, give birth at all. She merely posed with the baby that was clearly delivered by a surrogate.

“It was a surrogate mother who gave birth but not her. Kate must have been wearing a fake belly showing to the people that she was pregnant,” said one Russian skeptic.

“It is just not real to walk yourself several hours after birth and wave to the public in white dress. Even if the birth was easy, women just want to sleep and sleep for several hours. This is a fairy tale of a family of show offs.”

Others stopped short of claiming that Kate Middleton never gave birth at all, but instead asserted that the birth happened days ago.

“If she really gave birth naturally, it was surely some days ago,” one Russian mom claimed.

“She gave birth three days ago, they only reported it now,” another declared. “Look at the baby — she doesn’t look like a newborn at all.”

While telling the difference between a 10-hour-old baby and a three-day-old baby is certainly a tough call to say the least, the reasons why Kate Middleton appeared as well put together as she did, well, those have a very simple explanation.

Unlike the vast majority of brand new moms, Kate Middleton had an army of stylists and makeup artists at her disposal, even in the hospital.

Her personal hair stylist, Amanda Cook Tucker, was seen at the hospital. Deisgner Jenny Packham created the “buttercup” dress worn by Kate Middleton, a dress specifically designed to disguise any post-pregnancy weight gain or other perceived physical defects.

Her personal assistant and style guru, Natasha Archer, was also on hand to double check the outfit worn by Kate Middleton, as well as the Duchess’s makeup and hair, Britain’s Telegraph newspaper reported.

[Image: Ian Gavan/Getty Images]