Two Line Jokes to Make You the Life of Any Labor Day Picnic

There is a whole world of two line jokes out there that will make you smile and chuckle all week. Reddit’s thebdizzle asked fellow Reddit users, “What’s your best two line joke?” and got hundreds of responses, ranging from hilarious to off-color to silly. Following is a selection of the highlights of the two line jokes posted in response to thebdizzle’s question.

Here is one perfect joke if you live in foggy San Francisco:

I tried to catch fog yesterday.

I mist.

For those who like two line jokes about nature:

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

Even if you’re a feminist, this joke will probably make you smile:

Somewhere in the world, a woman is having a baby every 12 seconds.

We’ve got to find her and stop her!

If you’re a human rights activist:

Every 60 seconds in Africa…

a minute passes.

If you’re a senior citizen or know a senior citizen, this joke will probably be amusing:

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!”

Herman said, “It’s not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!”

If you’re a writer, you’ll see the humor in this two line joke:

Want to hear a word I just made up?

Plagiarism

One for brainy scientists:

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building

He yells “Don’t do it! You have so much potential!”

Another joke for the brainiacs:

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

For those with an international flair and German friends, this two line joke will make you giggle:

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, they’re efficient and not very funny.

Here are a few two line joke picks from Metro UK off of the massively long Reddit list:

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool.

The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

Here’s one for computer geeks:

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.

You have my Word.

Here’s a great two line joke if you’re married:

My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort.